I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize