so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
