$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
