I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
