You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
