so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
