dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
