Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize