It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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