I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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