I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
