planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
