and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
