I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
