Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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