you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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