would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize