she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize