who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
