i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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