i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
