If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
