It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
