I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
