The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
