just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
