If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
