it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
