Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
