i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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