I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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