Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
