I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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