I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
