Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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