Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's blow job season.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize