Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
