woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am available for nakedness
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
