Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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