I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
