you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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