Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
