Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize