Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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