grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
