its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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