apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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