the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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