I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
