I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Still dying that you shit outside
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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