Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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