My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
