I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
