Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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