Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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