what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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