I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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