No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Randomize
