i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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