I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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