You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
