I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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