You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
