fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
