saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
