Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
