i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
