What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
