Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
