I wish my penis had an off switch
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize