why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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