Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
smell my finger.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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