Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's just like the Real World with babies
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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