Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize