her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
