Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
