Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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