If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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