omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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