I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
