You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
