what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize