Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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