Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
