You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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