38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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