The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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