YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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