now i know why i became what i already was.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
